insane but for the grace of friends go i

July 30, 2003
6:22 pm

i'm just giving up for now. all this...it's just people bumping into each other randomly and it's senseless and meaningless and arbitrary. and i fall too fast and care too much and i'm tired of being sad.

but this keeping busy thing works. i mean it really does. easy to lose myself in people. in the computer. in a movie. it's only the times in bed with lights out that have been very problematic.

i seem to have a different relationship with time than other people. i process and change my mind and heart so quickly. which i think is why it seems like i have no patience. a week is time. a month is eternity. yet somehow three years is nothing.

i should not have let her in my bed. and she should not have gone there.