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Come in, Come in

May 18, 2003
5:13 pm

Thinking about is it possible to care about people too much. "If equal affection cannot be, let the more loving one be me." Auden said that and was he right? I don't know. Not good to answer that question after spending four hours with her looking very beautiful, new tattoo and tank top and summery glow and all. Not good to answer it when I still do belong to him and I search for his eyes and he is somewhere else, somewhere far. Bits and pieces of me, scattered about. Dissolving! something.

I am waiting for me. Perfect, algorithmic. I am waiting for me! Waiting to hear my key turning in the lock, door creak, my footsteps on the stairs, a sunny "Hi, I'm home!" Look at myself and smile and say "You're doing a good job. You really just are." What will this place look like in ten minutes or ten days or ten years? When I finally arrive will I recognize me? Or him or her, or all the other hims and hers still to come? Hurry!