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July 25, 2004

i have this big ugly mess of tangled up feelings and i'm trying to work out which pieces are insecurity or worry about what's coming and which are valid. ah, it'll give you a headache.

i have such a hard time not reading other people's words or actions based on my own ways of being. like, if i said this or that it would probably be because...blahblahblah. but you know, that's someone else saying and doing those things. it could mean something very different but how do you even begin to ask something like that? it's not the kind of thing one could answer honestly even if they wanted to. even if they tried.

and wondering...where does one person's right to communicate needs/wants/fears and expect a helpful or comforting response give way to another's need for space and energy to deal with all of their stuff? how do you strike that kind of balance, and how do you sustain it?

also i'm in pain. the physical kind, and i suppose that isn't helping things either.

but i guess it must all still be okay. same as it ever was.