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into the center

June 27, 2004

spending time with ml was so great. i came out of the front door and she saw me and softened right away, "you look tired." ah, i felt tired then, but it was okay too. it's just that the hardest times seem to happen when i first wake up in the morning.. but we laughed so much. and it was so easy and light, nothing at all like last time.

today was sun and coffee and up on the roof (and yes, i will admit it, even a cigarette or perhaps two, even in the light of day) and familiar people and new people and even heather and hans playing scrabble outside at the coffeeshop in the sunshine. ah, it really did feel like a neighborhood. everyone was here or came here and i went no further than three blocks away from home all day and it was great to feel at the center of something.

dinner with julia's aunt and uncle. i ordered "roasted rhode island black bass" and when it arrived, bridget was the first to figure out what to say. "well, you've got a fish there, hon." and i really did, with a tail and head and eye socket and spinal column and everything. but she helped me figure it out and ah, great great conversation, he is a linguistics professor and she an art history professor.

today i came a little closer to knowing what i want. but oh, so much hard work ahead.