lost in time

June 26, 2004
11.10p

no estamos locos,
que sabemos lo que queremos.
vive la vida
igual que si fuera un sueño,
pero que nunca termina
que se pierde con el tiempo.
y buscaré.

we're not mad,
we who know what we want.
live life
as if it were a dream,
a dream which never ends
and is lost in time.
and i will keep searching.

***

oh such a better better day today. reading and so much talking and walking and sun and people. gathering people around, reconnecting. and it is quite something to look around and quietly say "i need a friend" and then here they come. all so different and saying the differentest things but all so loving. "you can drink my chocolate milk," bonnie said. "that is how i will be supportive."

making plans for next weekend was somehow so healing. reminding myself i can still do that, still dream and plan.

and i had this thought last night, sitting so high up on the top of bernal hill in the freezing wind. being cold can be so life-affirming. when you're uncomfortable and you wrap arms to hug the warmth in and you shiver a little...that's being alive. it's clean and strong. ah, it felt so good to be cold.