small movements and focusings

April 11, 2004
10.06p

been disappointed lately by a few people. seeing new sides or just feeling betrayals that i should have seen coming but didn't. or let's be honest, chose not to see because i didn't want to, didn't want these things to be true about people that i hoped to be as good as the way they were when viewed through my eyes.

i need to redefine friendships and i don't like it. mostly i want all of that to stabilize now. to have maybe just a month or two free of these minor dramas which seem so big and so all-all-all because i simply edge too close. and it's exhausting to care so much when people sometimes just end up doing things that hurt you, or hurt themselves, or other people.

but i filled today up with the good stuff. brunch and phone calls with family and friends and long talks and showing pictures and hearing stories and things. as ever, there is more that is good and glowing than otherwise. need to stay more often inside the bright spots and let the rest slide by. somehow it is too easy to fall into a pattern of doing the opposite.