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tendril

March 21, 2004
2.26a

i really just miss taking care of each other. not any particular person i mean, but the dynamic of that. someone maybe bringing me a cup of coffee in bed some lazy morning, just the right way. maybe the previous night i had cooked dinner and they read poetry out loud to me later on under my covers. with music, always with music. i miss "us." i miss "we." i miss "our." but there are so few people who could really be the other half of that equation, and the people who maybe could usually scare me. how come i can only flirt if i don't mean it? how come when i most want to engage is when i feel the most awkward?

***

i don't regret one second of it. it is like i wrote. it is a gift to know that capacity in myself.