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mask

March 14, 2004
10.41p

sometimes i just get sad, you know. and it's not because of anything overt or anything that anybody else would likely even notice. it might be because of the way someone's eyes dropped a bit towards the ground after they sipped from their drink. sometimes i don't even know why things make me sad. sometimes it's remembering. the "how many times have you been in love" conversation certainly didn't help, thinking so about things better left unthought.

tonight was a whirl of color and noise and bodies and it was a little too much, i just went to hide in my room with my music and things pulled in around me and one by one the people i wanted found their way in. i called it "the satellite party" but it was really just my way of selective interaction. it's been a very introverted weekend in general, shy and tentative feeling always.

i don't feel quite myself these days. i'm not sure who that makes me...

tonight i explained the difference between a logarithm and an algorithm. a question that never would have occurred to me to ask...but asked without artifice, perfectly charming and i tried to hide my smile but i couldn't.

a friend has been seeming a little off, too. unhappiness manifesting itself in these sort of ugly ways. i don't like to be around him when he gets that way. i don't like how i find myself nagging him, i certainly haven't known him long enough for that and even if i had known him forever it still isn't good to nag at people to try to change them. or even to just change a temporary behavior.

but it's a little depressing when he seems like someone not himself. and you just look at him and think why would you want to wear this ugly mask over your beautiful self?