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February 23, 2004

oh i just have these days where i know that nobody can see me. nobody will ever get me again, know why i think a thing is funny. or just be so happy for me, just light up to see me do something well. it's not the loneliest feeling you can imagine, but it's up there.

and i know i'm better than this. and i know i have an energy in me that is good and creative and he told me i should show that more easily, to everyone. don't keep it inside me where nobody can see it he said. but days like this i forget how. it is harder to believe those things without him telling them to me.

"the captain reached for something to hold on to
help me, he whispered, as he rose slowly to his feet
the boy's face went pale
he recognized the sound

silently, he pulled down the shade against the shadow
lost in the doorstep of the empty house

i'm trying to find my way home
i'm sorry
...and I miss you

i miss you
i've grown taller now
i want the police to be notified
i'll make it up to you
i swear, i'll make it up to you

i miss you."