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February 07, 2004

i had dreams last night so richly interpretable that want to be analyzed and discussed. dreams of people poking into my most painful spots when i am vulnerable and me screaming and crying "get out! get out!" but they don't listen. not hard to figure out, a combination of things but mainly the friend yesterday who called me an "intimacy addict" in the midst of my disclosing things in an effort to help him through something. blahblah. whatever. people sometimes suck, move on.

another dream of moving into a new apartment but with the same set of current roommates. and feeling very concerned about common storage space...closet shelves and such. and which would be mine, and how to make sure i got enough. also all the broken things in my old closet that i was moving away from but it was so hard to throw them away.

in an elevator, i was carrying heather's lamp for her. she'd gotten it at ikea and it had a red papery shade. i held it too close to the lights and it just sort of smoldered away in a flash. i was horrified, apologetic, said i will buy you a new one. but as i watched it smoldered itself down into this beautiful bright star shaped jewel. with a blue moon shaped jewel suspended next to it.

later, i was throwing some things away at a garbage can on the street. it was mostly hats, and heather came by and dropped some of her hats into a box on the curb. a homeless woman put one on and walked away and i almost started crying that made me feel so good. then i noticed that heather was across the street, boarding the bus we take to work. i didn't want to leave, i wanted to try on this one hat made of leather and lined in puffy sheepskin. but instead i just put it down and ran across the street, waving. and i just made it onto the bus.

and we went away.