i only drank four glasses of champagne but the real problem was no dinner. and so i am bumping into walls and crawling in the hallway trying not to be sick and that is not attractive at all. and oh. the party was better than i thought it would be. there is a boy who fascinates me though i am told he is not a good choice. spinning spinning all is spinning around me but i am wearing my pajamas and glasses ready to crawl into bed at any moment and heather looked so beautiful in her pretty dress. and it really was good to see everybody and say hello! hello!
now my roommates are here and awake and lauging at me but helping me too and it takes a very long time to type this.
and i will tell david i need space and i cannot see him for a few months. i really think that i will do that. and spare myself the hurt of their move into the berkeley house and all the other things. spare myself the waiting and just stop and stop and stop.
it has been long and the world is full of possible and i will look at another one now. there are others. i know i know that there are. how silly that some people absorb so much of what we have to give.
or even if there isn't another. i am better alone and self contained. when you have no one no one can hurt you. when all else fails fall back on the wisdom of music.
happy new year. i hope it is filled with love.