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December 20, 2003

i am about to go to have breakfast with andrea and i will drink cafe au lait out of a large, brightly painted bowl. and i will not order the jam omelet, no matter how good it always sounds, because it always ends up being weird and not very tasty and i know this. i can learn my way out of patterns, i swear that i can.

i have a very busy day working at the clinic which should keep my mind off the idea that it's david's birthday today and i desperately wish i could spend it with him. he said he would likely be depressed today and i hate that and wonder what it is inside him that thinks it's okay to resign himself to that.

i am pulling out of my own downcycle. i woke up feeling more energized than i have in weeks, thinking "i'm going to clean my room some before i leave." a sure sign of improving mood.

i sense a big change coming. i am thinking hard.