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September 16, 2003
10:52 pm

we're all a little bit crazy you know. a little bit lost. it gets better. it comes and goes. we all seem to feel it at the same time. don't we.

melancholy and reading through old things. look:

D: you know what ive realized
A: ?
D: is that saying things or expressing things..
D: can only reveal their really real meanings if theres theres something or someone there to understand them
D: otherwise my thoughts get kind of occluded by one another and sort of remain ephemeral..
D: which is probably why I can babble incoherently
D: though I think you're the first person ive ever known who actually listen to any of it half-seriously
A: no.
A: that makes no sense.
A: I think maybe you underestimate your way with words.
D: Well maybe what I mean is that its just great to have someone to write crazy ass emails to
D: and all the other equivalents

and then later...

A: Are actors and filmmakers and ... whatever ... any less likely to be really real than anyone else?
A: I mean, the bar is already set pretty low.
D: no thats totally true - thats how they live, turning it on when they need it, turning it off when that vibe isnt there
D: but the way is, I can tell you from my own subjective experience
D: you get enough of em together and its a real sparring match
A: oooh fun
D: "I broke Mike D.'s blender, man!"
A: I would like to see that.
D: "yeah I was at his house last week..we smoked a bowl!"
D: Im going, this is my momís house..
D: is there no place safe?
D: strike a pose..
D: good lord.
A: There are a million different flavors of posturing.
A: My parents, the salt of the earth types...we just don't discuss anything controversial or painful or really important.
A: Those things are politely avoided.
A: That's not any less fake, in my opinion.
D: I get you
A: but I mean
A: of course I'm a big hypocrite
A: because everyone does it
A: i do it
A: all the time.
A: I guess that's life, I just hate it.
D: oh boy..
D: but yeah I know what you mean
D: uh.. also I dont see you as hypocrite
A: hmm
D: except when you go "hmm"

that was june 16th. like it was yesterday. like it was never.