approach/avoidance

August 25, 2003
12:52 am

o god music all around me and wrapping and sticky and clenching my hands with the all of it all. alone and fine and sad and free. until i felt like bursting from inside with the beauty and the sorrow and the wishing and the waiting. not waiting for this one or that i mean but waiting to know what the next thing will be like. for me the fire is central and love and that will never be pushed off at a tangent from me. why would anyone want it that way?

and i think you can't count on people. not very many of them anyway. and they stay and they stay where it makes them miserable and they seem to avoid what is pure. and i wonder why. could it really really be all these people don't think they deserve it and they're just scared? so sad i want to love them all and lift them and pull them back from themselves and their circles and their gritting teeth.

but right now i will protect me. with a little hard shell. i am too soft and too bruised. i will huddle in and think now.