wishing doesn't work

July 18, 2003
2:18 pm

spending time with david only serves to drive home the enormous difference between how things are and how i wish them to be. like a beautiful song played completely out of tune. so confusing, he calls me "angelic" and then he is gone and it hurts and hurts and my tears are so hot and wet and i think the salt is not good for my skin.

lately i think about moving away. there is the urge to disappear. i argued that life could be simple here but i think maybe not for me. david says i should be moving towards something, not away from something. problem is he's what i want to move towards. not being able to, i am stuck.