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June 30, 2003
11:24 pm

i made some people mad at me. some other people made me mad at them. not really the best day, overall. though i did see bernadette in the coffee shop with a hug and a dinner invitation which was all glowywarm but i can't go. i said too much to a stranger, too willing to lay out my story for anyone who asks. foolish. please send an anchor, as i am adrift.

tomorrow is class and reading my poem out loud, no skipping it this week because of being scared. wednesday is aaron. thursday will be a show with dinner first and me on my best behavior. napkin on lap, no slurping, and god whatever happens no wistful looks or kissing or sliding palms over perfect warm skin under soft sheets, all the things i thought about last night in the space between hitting the pillows and falling asleep.

and through it all will be missing david with little flutters and sighs. i have an idea about going around and collecting up the things he's given me, all these tokens, filing them away. i can order them and hold them close, control the situation. press his little gifts with fingertips and remember how he looked this time and that.

in a few minutes it will be july.