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June 01, 2003
9:59 pm

I have this idea that it was all a dream. All that time - so much time we spent - all the pretty words and musing about want and wish and could and maybe someday...a lovely and amazing dream. And then, without meaning to or wanting to, I woke up. Now I have that feeling like you sometimes have after a very vivid sort of think it might have been real, but you're not sure. And anyway, you know you can never go back to it. Even if you fall back to sleep, you can't get to that same place.

So tell me this: Knowing that I can't get there, why do I keep tearing my heart out trying?

And another thing: If I can't dream, can I at least just sleep? All I want now is to sleep.