Carcass

May 07, 2003
10:14 pm

Sometimes when he was sitting in the driver's seat he used to lean so far over to look out the passenger window that his head was almost on me and I just wanted to hold it and hold it and not let him go out of the car out of my life. Just hold his heart close to mine and breathe together and we could find a way through, I know, I promise.

All those people who ever told me they Loved me (like that, love with a capital L) and I never treated them so well as I should. Never except maybe one, almost. So...I deserve this?

Right in this moment I would sell my soul to have him walk in here and sing one song to me, just one song. Please please don't let the last song be the last ever because I can't remember what it was.

In my dream last night he was there and he came and touched me and he felt the curve of my hip and he felt it again. And I knew that he was pulling me towards him but part of him wasn't and then he left and he was gone.

And my friend Aaron wrote this to me today: "i think it still takes two people tuned to a similar enough frequency to grok the specifics of each other's muses. [she] and i have it which is why i put up with so much shit. you and [he] have it which is why, well, unfortunately it is why things are the way they are between you two. it should be beautiful, two like you actually finding one another. if only life could its carcass out of the way now and then, the path would be clear between you"